Chapter 20

And what have we learned, my sweetkins?

Nice having a troll do your opening lines. However, for so long I felt that dealing with this subject was having a troll on your back trying to wrestle that magic ring off your finger. You didn't know what that magic ring was, but until you found out, it certainly wasn't going to no damned troll, no matter how he chewed on your ears or pulled your hair.

I, Herbert, being of quasi-sound mind...

Actually, I've always been pretty much the sanest of the people I dealt with in life. And that's been my problem - or at least one of them. The other was a so-called overactive imagination. Practically, while I may refer to it as a curse, there is no limit to imagination, only limits to the physical execution of it.

It's only a curse if it is allowed rampant wandering when one is supposed to be getting something done - in other words, if it keeps you from completing something useful. As a novelist who never completes a work and sends it off for publishing. Or an inventor who never tests the ideas, just writes them down and makes a model or two, but never applies for a patent or starts visiting corporations to get them to buy or license his idea.

Thought must be disciplined, or run under some discipline, in order to result in something. There is no welfare system for inventors, artists, actors or writers.

There are a few thoughts I have about this trip and what I've found since:

- - - -

"If you want to sail against the wind, you're going to have to learn to tack."

It's too easy to set up a square sail and go with the direction of the wind. But when you try to sail in some other direction, you have to learn a few things about your ship, the way sails work, how the wind can shift and the combined factors. You'd need to shift to a triangular sail with a boom which would move. Then you could work out how to move into any position you wanted to.

The whole scene is a metaphor for moving through life as well. Living in that cult was pretty simple as long as you followed all the rules. However, I found that the rules didn't add up to what was said. The cult was supposed to work on certain principals as "policy," yet actually worked on politics, personality and power. So either the system didn't work or was being ignored. The second premise is the one which could be most easily tested and was - people wouldn't do what they said to do ("Do as I say, not as I do.")

This separated the corporate culture from the philosophy. But it wouldn't be visible unless I had decided to set my own course some years prior to leaving that Center. I started learning how the ship wouldn't respond to the tiller and the sail was set by those "on high," with no room for manuevering or even making the ship run smoother with the waves - to roll less. But the management had to settle for the direction the ship's master set, and either went along with it or went below decks to row.

I had simply found the seats uncomfortable, the conditions differing depending on which clique one was part of, and the management unable to either see that the direction needed to be changed or adjusted, or were simply completely blind to the problem, classifying you as a trouble-maker and needing discipline. Too many such unneedful "disciplines" set up a discipline problem for real.

So, as I made my own life, so did Center create its own enemies and drive off its good, willing staff.

- - - -

"A barn will sag and ultimately fall down if the construction isn't sound and the foundation weak."

A local landmark was due to be cut up into parcels and sold to housing interests, were it not for a single individual who set out to save it. What had happened is that, as an ages old horse barn, the constant use had eroded the posts on one side, causing the main roof to buckle and start leaking, which then caused other rot and degradation. Not bad for a hundred-year old barn - however, it still doomed that barn to destruction.

What had to be done was to bring it back to its original strength by jacking up the main beams and replacing these one by one, as well as re-roofing the structure after the frame was again back to battery. This would cost money, so a plan had to be made which would interest people in contributing to this cause.

The Center was eroding, after some 50 years of being built by its founder. This erosion still continues, since management has painted itself into a corner and is unable to do much to save the building, for fear of ruining the superb paint job they have done. There was an original value which was sold to the public. However, the management which took over on Rhino's death were only interested, really, in saying they were expanding, but actually only reinforcing a vertical chain of services to wealthy individuals, extracting a continuing stream of income from these. Such income was then translated into improving the material buildings, ensuring for any resale a larger return on their income invested in real estate.

So a person should examine the foundation of his own arguments well, to determine that he is standing on defensible grounds. He should reassure him that the basic arguments he uses are premised on real, verifyable, workable truths which others can recognize simply. Then he can build his own philosophic and mental house, as well as being able to keep this in order or to restore it to an original form. Such a mental structure could simply be renovated when any part of it tended to sag or weather unfortunately.

- - - -

"You can move more grain with a larger grain elevator, but you are going to have to use a larger tractor to run it."

Modern commodity farming requires that shelled corn be saved in large corn bins for later selling to markets. Smaller augers can be used to simply move the corn up from the wagon into the top of the grain bin. However, the speed of this is determined by how much vibration is set up in moving this grain. A smaller tractor is used as sufficient. However, when you move up to a larger bore auger to move more grain, you have to use a more powerful tractor to operate it.

One can make one's way through life quietly, with few ripples being created as you move through it. Or one can wade right in, splashing and scaring off all the fish - while letting everyone else know you where you are going. The former requires less effort and can be kept up indefinately. The latter requires a very healthy heart and a good set of legs.

If you are going to change the pace of your life, you are going to have to make some changes in how you operate. Thinking big means acting big, means getting a great deal of effort behind your work - you have to be dedicated and hard-working to get anything done.

Or you can piddle in safety, slowly and inexorably accomplishing a smaller goal.

- - - -

"Regardless of what bed you make or how you sleep, the person in that skin is the same one who went to sleep in it."

You are your own angel, devil, confidant, misleader, saviour, soothsayer. No one can change your universe for you. Reversely, this is the first step to making any change - recognizing that the start point is yourself. How you make your life go and in what direction is entirely your own choice. Some might say that a person is bound by fate, by environment, social pressures or any number of other things. However, these are proved false as generalities as often as they are proved conclusively true.

One follows his own lamp through the darkness. One is always seeking sources which support one's own view of life. So light your lamp carefully to guide your path. For whatever happens, you'll have to live with the person you become.

However, since you got yourself there, you can get yourself out. It might not be anything simple, pleasant or easy to do, however it can be done. So if you find you've made a misstep and taken a wrong turn, just take that lamp and find out where you should have gone, then go there.

But don't blame the mattress or covers or the lumps in the pillow if you elected to sleep in the cattle pen or on the roof.

- - - -

"Dreams never become reality if you just sit there, dreaming."

Dreamy-eyed idealism is great stuff and can make an afternoon waste away with nothing accomplished. Rhino made his dream a reality and became rich off it. You have to be able to make a list of things to do and get these done in sequence. That is how you build anything and get anything made. Don't do anything and nothing gets done.

- - - -

"Look before you leap - do your homework before you write that paper."

Planning has to be done in order to get anything done. Planning is based on the background data about that subject. Regardless of how you slant your world, if your data isn't usable in the physical universe, you won't get anything accomplished. Confronting the world you live in is the first step to mastering it, controlling it. So look up your data, verify it, consolidate it into a working plan, then get it done.

_ _ _ _

"That mongrel mutt half-breed is a better value than the purebred."

Mixed breeds cost less on the auction block than the purebred with papers, but the meat off the hoof is a function of how it is fed. The purebreds tend to be high-strung/nervous and develop strange problems which require expensive veternarian assistance to solve.

There is no iconic right/left/black/white in this world which is better than it's "opposite."

Factually, the most mixed societies are the strongest. They derive their collective strengths from the combined abilities of their various and varied peoples. Just as the American saddlebred horse (which tamed the Wild West and is everyone's favorite show and recreation horse today) is a varied cross breed between the English thoroughbred, the Arabian and a genetic fluke call the Morgan, the best farm dogs are complete mixed mutts and draw their strengths from many varied progenitors.

Right and Wrong are both used as arguments to limit the field of thought to a particular direction. And so arguments on "black and white" racial problems are silly (on both sides, they are talking a single infinitesimally small difference in genetics, which is becoming more and more mixed with every generation - purebreds on both sides now improbable to find, if not impossible).

Rich/poor dichotomies are similarly stupid. Given the chance, the rich will always contribute heartily to the survival of the poor. They do not need to be forced to. Anyone can remain poor and anyone, with some talent, drive and willingness to profit from chance opportunities, can become rich.

Right and Left are rediculous in their extremes. The great heterogenous middle is always the mass of votes which really wins the election. Any graph of voters shows a bell curve of a largest mass in the center. The candidate of either party which best adopts the positions of the center will then get the election.

And so it is with any decision - fuzzy logic dictates the best choice, providing unfettered access is provided to all viewpoints. A mixed breed has a better chance at survival. And that is all that this is about - survival.
_ _ _ _

Look, I might have wasted most of this life chasing after some idealistic montage of philosophic aphorisms which were tacked together and sold me on my coin. But simply saying, 'poor me' or 'horrible them' won't get those years back. So further miserating on those topics are just more wasted time.

Shortly after I got back, I had to make some choices. One of these was working or not. Since I wanted money to buy things, this wasn't a particular option. Trying to get work in graphic arts found myself in the very interesting position of having to make graphic art which is only used to make the business-owner a pile of cash, quite different in the idea that all the nice work you were creating would help people make a better life for themselves.

Even so, I found that when I listed all the abilities I had, I wasn't hired. People wanted less-qualified, ie. cheaper, people to work for them. I was over-qualified for the jobs I wanted. As well, I was under-papered. Most of these jobs start out with needing a college degree - which I didn't have since I had spent all that time in the cult.

So I got a job at a warehouse. This gave me ample opportunity to test what I knew about running organizations, doing work, even the philosophic challenges of working in a for-profit organization compared to the non-profit scene I had come from. I learned tons, just tons. The organization was as corrupt as the one I had come from, so it then showed how the Center was simply another human-affected organization; they didn't know any better about how to run things or have any special advantage because they ran on Rhino's policies. Rhino had simply copied what he had found outside and translated it through his own writings to the Center.

I saw also that I did need to get that piece of paper if I were going to get anywhere besides having worked for very little in a job I didn't like while kissing up to everyone who could fire me. So I went to college to get that little piece of paper. This meant I started working only part time to pay down the bills I had while I went to school for a better job.

College gave me a chance to compare a whole additional set of data, taking more that I had learned and seen how this did or didn't apply against academia and a wider approach and study of life. While college was just as political, it was easier to get around as a student. Having access to real broadband was a key point. I was able to search through all sorts of data and find the classic sources Rhino had used, as well as others - all available from a high-speed data connection and able to be saved for later use and/or printed off at low or no cost. This prompted me to get a fast broadband connection at home.

So I began amassing a library of data which began to reach a critical mass.

That mass broke through in a flood as I continued logically comparing this data while working at the dull warehouse job. Seems it was easy to make the production rate assigned, so I could then take infrequent breaks to write down my thoughts and compare these things as I went along through the dull days (the discipline of applying an active imagination paying off).

First, as mentioned in one of my talks with Dr. Winston, I had to determine what was logic and how people thought. Once this was deduced (reading various sources such as Descartes and Dewey, among others) then the basics of Center policy were compared with actual function in society. Through that, I found the real problem with a cult is its closed-loop logic, so that solutions within the cult could only be applied to problems within that cult. Once one started admitting other outside data to solving problems which were outside the cult's periphery, the set solutions started falling apart quickly.

Shortly, the entire philosophy of Rhino lay at my feet in pieces. I had nothing to base my life on any more - outside of the fact that I kept waking up every morning, had chores on the farm to do in return for room and board, plus had to work to pay for my Internet connection and my credit card bills from those years at Center. There had to be a bigger reason for life.

So I sat about making sense of all that I had invested into the Center and those 20 years, coming up with a new solution, which will probably take some years of research into the future.

And so I started building a new life, found out about blogs, and wrote this little novel about my life.

Glad you chose to read it. Hope you got something out of it.

A sequel? Life goes on, regardless of whether I write about it.